October 4, 2005

Oops

I seem to have confused people- I'm not looking to move right now. I've still got school till May, and I'll probably be taking a year off before grad school. Actually, who am I kidding, I'll definately be taking a year off because I am NOT gonna get grad stuff done by January and I don't have enough to make a good, consistent portfolio anyway.

I'm just trying to start getting the house ready to sell now so it's not a huge pain in the butt when it is time to sell.

I'm trying to increase my wardrobe a bit. Well, really I'm trying to decrease it, but have more nice looking stuff I really like wearing. It's hard to do with very little money- I'm sticking to simple, solid colored, good fitting long and short sleeved tees that I can layer. I've been shopping at thrift stores for so long, but there are just some things that can't be readily found there, like tanks and plain T-shirts. I'm not looking for business quality clothes just yet, just basics I can wear every day that are not huge baggy T-shirts.

Speaking of business, my business of art class is seriously depressing. We've talked about getting into galleries (impossible) getting grants (again, impossible) doing taxes as an artists/ small business person (gives me headaches) and insurance (whaaaa!)

All of it is enough to seriously make my head full. I don't know if I can do it- it's so damn scary. And the thought of BOTH Geoff and I doing this, well that's really scary.

I've already pretty much resigned myself to being poor until I'm 40 or so- it just takes a long, long time to establish oneself as an artist, and it's next to impossible for me to work full time and make art. But I keep running these scenarios through my head and they all come out with me still being poor, living paycheck to paycheck (when there's even a paycheck), and worrying every day that same major or minor event will take everything from me.

I'm seriously stressed about money stuff right now, and worried that my house is going to fall down. Can you tell?

Blah. Off do do the websites and then write an art history paper.

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 4, 2005 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

October 6, 2005

What I'm doing

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These are the latest paintings I'm working on- the one on the left is pretty much done, the one on the right have just started. They are heavily textured acrylic paintings, about 5'6" x 2'6". They're kind of self portraits, being about life sized. I'm trying to depict moods. I've been in a funk lately, kind of stressed, hence the one on the left. The one on the right will be about the outside pressures caving me in. I'll do some happier ones, I promise!

The shapes are based on doodles I make over and over in my sketchbook.

I would like to make at least 8 of these, maybe more. Maybe I'll do another series afterwards of someone else- portraits of Geoff, maybe, or my mom or dad. I don't know that I could say as much about someone else (with the possible exception of Geoff, but he's pretty stable, emotion wise) as I can about myself in this manner.

I am already getting compliments on these from other students, which is unusual and somewhat unnerving. I am used to... well, silence. I'm curious what will come up in critique. People seem to like texture- when I did textured paintings last year, I got a lot of questions from other students as well, what am I doing, what did I use? A lot of students have only been instructed in oil, so the fact that I can apply this heavy texture at the beginning of class and be painting on it by the end of class is intriguing to them. In oil, one would have to wait weeks or months to get that much.

Anyway, I think I may be on to something here. Between this and another series I am working on- the one based on aerial views, I think I am in good shape.

I'm thinking of trying to join Gallery 9 here in town- again. The last time I tried, I didn't get in, but I have learned a lot since then, and improved a lot too. A regular place to exhibit will go a long way to compelling me to keep creating, even when I am done with school, and even if I only sell one thing every 6 months, I'll still come out ahead. I've got a show up at Doc's in the Haymarket here in Lincoln right now- a bunch of us at the art supply store where I work are exhibiting there.

It's cold now. 2 days ago, it was 90 degrees, and now they're saying it might freeze tonight. Brrr.

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 6, 2005 2:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

October 11, 2005

Stupid Spammers

The spammers are finally getting through to my site- got two spams today, it's been spam free for so long. :P

I went to a panel discussion on drawing tonight at the Sheldon- sounds boring, I know, but it was actually really interesting. One thing that struck me was the concentration on drawing as a way of working out ideas, and not as an art form in itself. I think it's somewhat telling that pastel drawings are usually called "paintings" as are some oil pastel or oil stick drawings. There's something denigrating about the term "drawing" to some people, I think.

The other thing that really struck me is how many people use the term "to draw" to mean specifically to draw something realistic. One woman asked, in a way that implied that today's art students can't "draw," whether drawing was still important to being an artist.

This whole debate has the potential to tick me off, though it didn't head in that direction today, it has in the past. I draw every day, what I used to term "doodles" (and sometimes still do) but I have started to consider them drawings in their own right. They inform my artwork quite a bit, and the more I let them cross over into my "real art" the more I see their value. I remember hearing Karen Kunc talk once about how most of her concepts start as small drawings in her sketchbook. Anyway, my point is, I think there's this perception that artist's today don't want to put in the hard work to "learn to draw." But I don't see that. What I see is a lot of people who are not particularly interested in drawing what's around them and are more interested in depicting something else- something informed by the outside world, but that's more about the interior.

Thing is, I can draw; I've made many successful representational drawings. But they bore me. They're just not what I'm interested in. Maybe I'll come back to that later. I kind of wish I was interested in that, because it seems to be what people are most interested in spending money on, but I'm just not right now.

What really bugs me is that there's this assumption that one does abstract art because one can't do representational art, often phrased like this- "oh, that artist probably can't draw."

But they definitely CAN draw (any human with arms can, and many other animals as well) and probably do everyday.

Sorry that was rambly. Need to start working on organizing my thoughts.

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 11, 2005 8:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

October 18, 2005

Avoidance

I am avoiding writing a paper on the business of art right now. Here seems like the perfect place to do my avoiding. :)

I spent most of the day yesterday on house related issues- running errands and yard work which is not nearly done. I dug up a bunch of Irises yesterday but now I need to replant them- just can't decide where! Geoff cleaned the gutters yesterday- and boy were they clogged. It's annoying having a sick elm tree right next to the house.

Speaking of house, I have been watching housing prices carefully lately and I'm worried about what we'll get for this place when we got o sell. It seems like comparable houses are going for about $10,000 less than what we paid- at this rate, we'll be extremely lucky to break even. Not to mention that he plumbing needs work, we need a new roof, and a privacy fence. :P

so today I spend most of the day reading for this paper I need to write on the business of art- a wholly depressing topic. The more I read, the more I get depressed. The statistics are staggering- how FEW artists actually "make it." - By "make it" I mean that they are able to support themselves on their artwork alone. I realize this isn't an entirely realistic goal, at least not for the next couple of decades. One of the articles I read had a really good point- that make artists, not able to make a living as painters, sculptors, whatever, teach to supplement their income- thereby creating MORE artists who will be unable to support themselves.

Thing is, I can't think of anything I would be able to tolerate doing that would pay anything. I don't mind retail, but I'm looking at a $9/hr cap there (and that's if I move somewhere where cost of living is higher) - unless I become management, in which case I work 60 hours a week. I don't know that I have the talent or the drive to be a graphic designer. It's SO much about keeping on top of trends, and it takes so much energy. Plus, I'm afraid of using up all my creative energy at work.

I don't want to stare at a computer all day. I don't want to be doing entirely physical labor.

Pretty much all I have done is decided what I don't want to do.

I would not mind teaching, but from what I understand, those jobs are hard to come by and awarded first to those artists that are already critical successes- in which case, they don't so much need to teach.

I just keep thinking- there's got to be something out there for me. I'm a smart person. I can do a lot of stuff well. I can draw, use the computer, do web programming, build stuff, problem solve. I am extremely good at teaching myself to do something new, but that's not a marketable skill. Whatever I do, I try to be the best at. For instance, at my job in an art supply store, most employees ask me if they have a question about whether we carry a certain product, or what product may be used for what, or what substitutions can be made. I research this stuff. If someone comes in with a question I don't know the answer to, I will research till I know the answer. But that gets me squat in my job- I've had 2 raises in 3 years, for a total of .45/hour. There's no real reward system for doing the job well, only for looking busy 100% of the time, and even then, the rewards are negligible.

I guess you could say I'm a little depressed... I graduate in May and have no idea what to even look for in a job. I don't know what keywords to use. I am beginning to feel like my artwork has no hope of ever selling. Right now, that's kind of ok, because I'm still trying to figure out where I am going with it- I am just now, after 10 years, starting to figure out my "style," and I have a long way to go. But I think I do good stuff, and I wish others saw that. a little recognition would go a long way. :P

OK, time to stop putting off the inevitable.

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 18, 2005 9:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

October 20, 2005

thursday, paper, etc.

I fixed the comments so you can actually read the screen now (thanks Tommy for the heads up)

So I expect more comments now, dammit!

I am as good at journal titles as I am at giving titles to my paintings. :P

So I finished my paper, here it is if anyone wants to read something pretty boring. The main gist of it was that although artists don't have a lot of power in the "art system" - they still have power in that they make the art and ultimately they have the power to decide what happens to it. The thing that, I think, holds a lot of artists back is that you are looked down on if you actively try to make a living off your art- selling at art fairs, online, co-op galleries. But I have this sneaking suspicion that most of the artist that make it have some kind of financial support- a husband, a trust fund, something. I would love to do a study on this- how an artist's money before they were famous plays a role. I think- like just about any business, those with money have an easy advantage. They may already move in the "right" circles. They may already have the contacts they need. They can spend time to find their style, and then they can wait to sell until there is a demand- which means many artists make their debut with artwork priced at 10 grand.

My idea for a solution is to cultivate a new art buyer- the middle class person who maybe would have a budget of $500- $1000 a year to spend on art. Thing is, I think most people see art as a rich person thing, and elitist, so they stay away. But there is a lot of art out there that is priced low enough for even an average income person. I think it's artists' job, my job, to try to reach out to these people. Too many artists go after the big collectors, especially since there are only a handful of big collectors. It's our drive for fame that keeps the over inflated gallery system catering to the super rich in place.

And to imagine I actually have trouble writing papers. I can go on about this stuff for hours, but when I sit down to write a paper, my mind freezes.

I had been thinking I would not apply to grad school this year, but someone mentioned that if I did apply and get accepted, I could probably defer for a year. So maybe I'll try. I got in to the Pacific Northwest College of Art and deferred, and ended up never going. I still kind of regret that, though I really wouldn't like the $60,000 of debt I would have likely had to take on. Most of my lottery winning fantasies involve going to school without having to constantly having to worry about money. That's about it. No sports cars or mansions for me- just school and more school and perhaps a trip around the world with all my friends. :)

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 20, 2005 8:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

October 23, 2005

Bad me

Well, I finally bought a Nintendo DS -Blue- it was all they had. Geoff's uncle gave us a 15% off coupon for Best Buy that was only good tonight. I kind of have buyers remourse after seeing the pic of the red one that will come with Mario Kart, but oh well. We also got the game "Trace Memories." I read that gameplay on that is short- too bad.

I really really wish I could download games like Super Mario 1 and such to the DS- I really don't want to PAY to play all those old games on the DS. I might have the old Nintendo rechipped sometime soon so I can play lolo again.

Kinda weird that I wanted a DS so badly, since I have very little time to play games right about now. I really want to get the new Tony Hawk game, too- but that'll have to wait for a while. :P

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 23, 2005 9:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

October 26, 2005

The Works

I am down today.

Well, maybe not down so much as overwhelmed, so my mind and body are just tired. We had a visitor to our School- Paul Klein, who owned a gallery in Chicago and who now has plans on opening a museum there. I really liked the guy- very straightforward, no bullshit type of person, but without putting people down. He said a lot of things that really intrigued me, many of which I will be posting about over the next few weeks I am sure, but the thing that most got me was his enthusiasm for our ability to make a living as artists. Very different from what I have been hearing from my teachers. Of course, most of them are professional artists and KNOW how hard it is to make a living at it, and he's one that has made his living off selling other's artwork. But I think more than that, it's an outlook thing.

More and more lately, I'm letting go of the notion that I'll be anywhere in 10, or even 20 years- but I am looking forward to those years of exploring. I know I am no where near ready yet, I feel like I've just started down the road towards learning. When I was younger- when I first started school, I felt so desperately behind- you hear of all these art stars that are so young, and it's kind of depressing. But then I just have come to accept that that's not me, and I am going to work at my own pace.

What I am really missing now, and what I will miss sorely when I graduate, is some art friends. I need someone with whom I can have a dialogue about my work. This, I think more than anything, is why I am craving graduate school.

We had an undergraduate critique today and surprisingly, only about 7 people brought art in, though there were about 40 people there to watch the critique. I was the 2nd to be critiqued, and Paul Klein didn't like what I was working on. I feel a frustration in describing it- because I view them as self portraits, but I think people get the wrong idea when I tell them that, and so I think I'll start referring to them more generally as "monoliths." (see some posts below for a pic) It's partly my fault for showing him something that is incomplete- I have only 2 out of 8 of them done- but the response was definitely underwhelming. He spent some time talking about the materials used in construction, which was defiantly NOT the response I was looking for. It was him avoiding putting me down, I think.

BUT, a big part of his talk was about learning not to take criticism to heart, and I am getting better at that.

My last critique in painting class was much the same- no one had anything to say about the painting I put out there. I would rather people hated my paintings than have nothing to say about them. I'm frustrated that beyond the occasional remark on technique (how did you do that?) I'm not getting much. I really hope I can meet one on one with my painting professor tomorrow so I can start to resolve these things. It's not that I need a "ooo, good job" with every painting, but I'm not getting anything.

I need to learn to create in a vacuum, to be less dependent on other's input, but my eye for my own work isn't there yet, and so I need all the help I can get.

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 26, 2005 12:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Progress

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I am making progress on my "Monolith" painting- the three on the left are nearly done, the one on the far right needs a background... something. I am included for scale. :)

I give my presentation in my business of art class tomorrow... I have all these notes written up and the danger is that I will forget it all, or I will talk way too fast, or I will get to into it and go over time. I tend to talk too much, bet you couldn't tell.

So, more tomorrow. Or friday.

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Posted by Karin Dalziel on October 26, 2005 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)