Yesterday, I described a little about where I am. I’m in a good place, and I’m happy. I think that if I were not in school, I wouldn’t be as happy- because school allows me to see the possibilities of where I might go.
I think I have learned a lot from my current job- not the least of which is that I want to work in a library. However, I’m starting to feel that I’m near the end of what I can learn in my current position, and it’s a little distressing.
I recently asked my boss to let me in on a couple of opportunities, and I was turned down. In the case of one, I can completely understand her explanation, and I accept it. The other, though, I don’t understand, and I find it hard to accept. I’m reaching the limits of what I can do within my job description, and my boss does not want me to work outside my job description too much.
I’ll stop here to say that I understand why my boss does not want me to work outside of my job description. I was hired to be her assistant, to make her job easier, and I can’t do that if I am distracted by too many other things. I’m sure there are probably plenty of other reasons as well, reasons that I don’t know.
However, it’s frustrating because I feel like I have been moving forward all this time, and the “no’s” are a barrier. I’m afraid if I ask for too many opportunities, I’ll start to get annoying. i feel like I have already pushed the boundary by being in school. I don’t know if I can push the boundary, because I don’t know where the boundary is.
Part of the problem is just the nature of the job – I can only do so many things in one day, and since I am an hourly employee, I cannot work overtime, or work from home. When I run out of time in a week, the work just doesn’t get done. In a way, this is good- especially since I am in school and have things to do – but in another way, it’s frustrating, because there are times when I would gladly work over 40 hours, even if I didn’t get paid more, to do something I felt was worth doing. So we can’t work around the 40 hours. But I still think that, even within the 40 hour constraints, that I could squeeze a little more in.
The most frustrating thing is, though, is that I look around at what is being done, and I feel like I could help. I can do design, I can encode (a little), I can do a lot more conceptual work than I do (which is none) – but I can’t really, because it’s outside the job description. I want to do more, because when I stop pushing myself, things get boring and I get restless. I want to contribute, but I can’t, and it is frustrating.
Despite this, I feel very greatful to have this job. It has opened my eyes to so many possibilities out there- libraries as research centers, as a place to create, not just to store information. This is what got me excited about library science in the first place. One of the librarians in my department is a programmer- he developed a text visualization software that we’re using in other projects. When I hear the stereotype of the librarian, I just laugh.
I imagine I will stay at my job for a while, learning what I can, unless something irresistible comes up. When I’m done with school, I’ll have more mobility when it comes to jobs. I just love the idea of working in a Center – like where I work – a place that doesn’t just focus on archiving materials but that has projects to synthesize and draw from these old materials to create new knowledge. I think it could be even better though.
Tomorrow I will talk about the future, and some of the things I see (or wish for.)